Today is a very difficult day for us. Our beloved Alfie passed away one year ago today.

It actually happened in the evening, so one year ago today we had no idea it was the last day we would have our sweet angel. It was actually a very good day. Ironically, we had a vet visit that afternoon. Alfie had put on weight and his coat was back to feeling like a plush toy's fur. Though he was still quite ill, he was alert and happy. We settled in that evening in front of the telly and Alfie fell asleep and quietly slipped away. His poor little heart just gave out.

It still hurts so badly I cannot describe. Right now I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face thinking of how my beautiful boy was stolen from me. We loved him so much and cannot imagine our how our lives would have been without him having been a part of it. He was perfect and we were so blessed to have had him with us for the short time he was.

He taught us so much and changed our lives so significantly. If not for Alfie we would not be involved with rescue. We are part of PugHearts because of him. Richard & I cannot look at a senior the same way now. And we cannot look at the sickest of our rescues without thinking of him and his brave fight. Because of him, Richard & I volunteered to take Lilly, knowing what the ultimate outcome would be but wanting to give her every chance. Because of him, we took in Samson. We knew he was gravely ill but we also knew we could give him the medical care he would get in a vet hospital plus the TLC and warmth he could only get in a home. We knew we could handle the sleepless nights and give the intensive medical care he needed. Alfie taught us that. He taught us to never give up on as long as the spark is still in that dog's eyes. Alfie never lost that spark - his body let him down but his spirit remained intact.

But I choose to remember Alfie's good days. We had a lot of those and for that I am thankful. The photo above is one of those days. It was Christmas. We had a house full of family and pugs. Denny, Charlie & Alfie were happy. Alfie was happiest lying next to someone on the sofa with a rawhide in his mouth. For Christmas he received this braided rawhide in his stocking. He was the happiest pug alive that day. And I am thankful that this is one of the memories I have of him.

I am so sorry that we didn't have more time with you Alfie. But thank you for sharing yourself with us for the time you did. We love you so much and look forward to seeing you again someday. We will look for you at the Bridge.

Posted by Robbi at 01:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

We have some shocking and deeply saddening news to share. Our beloved Winston has passed away. He died quite suddenly Monday morning.

We had thought that we would be posting happy news about Winston this week. You see, he was adopted out to a wonderful woman on Sunday. We had begun to think we would never find anyone worthy of him until she submitted her application. After several conversations, Richard met her Saturday when he took Winston to the Pug Meetup at the local dog park. It was love at first sight for her and Richard agreed that it was an excellent match. While we were very excited for him, we were also very sad for us. We had grown so attached to the little guy and really thought of him as part of our family. But we knew this was a perfect home for him and were ready to let him go on to this new chapter in his life. We drove him to his new home Sunday and said our goodbyes. We cried on the way home but kept affirming that this was for the best. It was very strange going about our routine Sunday night. I kept looking for him and felt an empty feeling when we didn’t have our routine bedtime cuddle and belly-rubbing session. The same emptiness was there Monday morning when there was an extra dinner dish on the counter.

At work Monday morning we received an email from Winston’s new Mum stating that he had a very good night sleeping in her bed with her and her other 2 dogs. She confirmed that he had received his bedtime belly rubbings as prescribed. She mentioned how all of her friends and family had met him and fallen in love with him. I responded to her to let her know how much we appreciated the update and how glad we were that they had found each other. Shortly thereafter I received an urgent message to call her. When I did she started talking nonsense about how he was gone. I didn’t understand. She said he had been home with her son and her son said Winston looked a bit tired and he had placed him on the rug in the living room so he would be more comfortable for a nap. When she had called for an update he went to check on him and found him unresponsive. He was gone.

I called Richard immediately and had to break the news to him over the phone. He left work immediately to pick Winston up and head to our Vet’s office for answers.

As we believed he was in excellent health, we had an autopsy done which revealed he had died of heartworm's. We did not know he had heartworm's. When he was taken into rescue a routine heartworm test was negative. However, we now know that a dog can test heartworm negative and yet still be positive. The test does not indicate immature heartworm's, just adults. And further it detects female heartworm's. So 6 months ago Winston had immature heartworm's and so his test was negative. As he did not have a large infestation, he displayed none of the signature signs.

So now we know how it happened. We know it was nobody’s fault – well, except for the people that owned Winston before turning him into PugHearts. By keeping him outside and not giving him heartworm preventative they sealed his fate. But it doesn’t make it any easier knowing that we did not do anything wrong. It still hurts terribly.

We have made arrangements for Winston to be cremated and returned home with us. Though he had technically been adopted out, he really does belong with us. His adoptive Mum has been very understanding of that. Given his previous life, we feel confident in saying that the time he had with us was the best time of his life. He knew what it was like to be part of a family and he knew he was loved. He was happy here and so we will have him come home to us. He will take his place beside Alfie and Lilly and will watch over us.

Run free sweet Winston – we love you more than you will ever know. It has been our honor to know you and have you as part of our family.

Mummy, Daddy, Denny, Charlie, Phoebe, Jacob, Samson & Munchkin

Posted by Richard at 12:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Richard & I are coming to terms with the loss of Lilly. We have gone over in our minds every aspect of her care and condition over the past few days. Of course we will always have a bit of guilt about things we might have done differently, but we do know that those things would not have made any difference. Lilly passed on because she was ready.

We knew we would never cure her cancer. It was far too late for that by the time she came to us. The person that had her before us will have to live with that fact, and though I do not believe in a vengeful God I do believe in karma. We do not need to do anything more as that person will have to answer for what they have done to a higher power than us.

When Lilly did come to us, we had a small sliver of hope that there was something we could do. The tests and oncology consultation laid out the facts: we could never cure her but we might be able to buy her some time. Even with more time we knew that eventually a difficult decision would have to be made about easing her suffering. We started her on the chemotherapy thinking we might be able to arrest the cancer and buy her more time at her present condition. We were greedy – we wanted her to be with us for a while. However, it was ultimately Lilly’s decision. We know she did not suffer as she showed no signs of pain. But it was clear in the last few days that she was not happy. She refused to eat. At first we thought that it was just nausea from the medications and we could get past this. But as the days progressed she became weaker. There was still a bit of spark in her but we could see it fading. She was most content being held and stroked. She seemed genuinely happy lying against one of us – or even the other dogs. She seemed at peace.

While we desperately wanted to “fix” her and were trying to think of ways to do that, she made up her mind that she did not want to go down that path. She was ready to go. She quietly slipped away from us Friday night. By the time we realized she was leaving and started to take her to an emergency vet, it was too late and she was gone. She died quietly in my arms as we were driving. She knew. I know she knew. She knew what we were going to do and she did not want it. She wanted to go on her own terms in her own time. And she did just that. Later that night Cindy & James came over to say goodbye and we talked about Lilly. We agreed that Lilly probably knew best. Had we seen her through this crisis, we would only be delaying the inevitable. And given the state of her cancer, her end would probably be one that nobody would wish for. Lilly, in her infinite wisdom, knew better than any of us. She knew she would rather go out while she was free from tubes and machines and large amounts of drugs. So she made the decision now, so that it would not have to be made for her later. She went quietly, peacefully, surrounded by those that truly loved her.

We have made arrangements for Lilly to be cremated and returned to us. We have chosen an urn which will go on the mantle beside Alfie. She will be home where she belongs.

Robbi

Posted by Richard at 06:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

At 9:35pm last night our sweet Lilly passed away while we were rushing her to the emergency vet due to a rapid decrease in temperature. Lilly passed quickly in Robbi's arms.

Lilly,

Sweet little Lilly-pug. We love you so much and miss you so badly. You had become a part of our lives and a part of our family. We will miss you snuggling up beside us on the sofa and in bed. And we’ll miss seeing you snuggling up against Denny in his donut bed or having Charlie come over to lay his head on your leg when you weren’t feeling well. Phoebe seems lost as well, waiting for you to play catch with.

You were such a joy. You gave the sweetest, lady-like puggie kisses. I loved it when we would talk sweet to you and you would roll over on your back to show us you were ready for a belly rubbing. I loved it when you would lie down at my feet in front of the stove while I was making dinner. And I loved the excited look you would get when we would tell you it was okay to come up on the sofa with us. We tried to give you the love and attention that you should have had all your life. The look on your face when we would tell you that you were beautiful and that we loved you showed us that you understood that and trusted us.

We are so grateful for the time we had with you. You touched our hearts. I am thankful that you were able to cross over to the Bridge on your own terms. Though we would have loved more time with you, we know you are in a better place and are free from suffering. Alfie will take you where you need to go now.

We will always love you sweet Lilly.

Love,
Mummy & Daddy

Posted by Richard at 09:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We got the new boat a couple of weeks ago, and we have just been having so much fun with it we forgot to show pictures on the site.  Anyway, to make up for the fact…we did a little video of Robbi playing on Galveston Bay this weekend.

Boy o boy is this thing quick!

We have life jackets for all the dogs, but I do not think we will be taking them out any time soon.  It’s way too hot at the moment.  We think we will wait until my folks come over and we can go for a nice quiet jaunt for a picnic somewhere.  

Posted by Richard at 02:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

My face is red with tear burns, my heart is pounding and I am feeling like it was only yesterday the little guy was in my arms.  

Today I spend my time going through thousands of photographs and trying to find suitable music to create a tribute to the Pug that started it all.   I never thought it would be so hard to do – but each and everytime I do this I realise it is an uphill challenge.

He was worth it.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1575745332018794841

Feel free to pass on the link to anyone, any forum, any blog.   Let’s get the word out about Alfie and the legacy this little guy left behind.

Richard & Robbi

Posted by Richard at 06:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

This morning I felt that I could finally sit down and put my thoughts of Alfie into words. At this time, the thought that he is gone from my arms hurts beyond belief.  His portrait hangs on the wall and I look up at him and find myself thinking that I can almost hear his bark. He had the most unique bark and he liked to tell you when he wanted your attention.

Alfie came into my home as a foster. The moment I saw him at the shelter, I knew he was special. Not because he was beautiful (he was skinny, filthy and smelled awful), but he had a peace about him that made you want to be near him. I carried him outside and put him on the seat of my truck. He was so happy to be free that it took me several minutes to calm him down so that I could drive. He got a bath as soon as we got to the house. I wrapped him in a large towel and there he fell asleep in my arms. I must confess that this is where he spent most of his time for the next three months. The day that he was neutered and had his teeth cleaned, I made my husband stay on the cell phone so that I could hear him snoring softly until he arrived back into my arms. I sat up, holding him, all night so that I would know that he was OK.

I got the call that he had a forever home waiting for him. I told the adoption coordinator NO. She told me they were perfect. I told her they better be or I was not leaving him. I met Richard and Robbi on the day that Alfie joined their home. October 6th, 2006. Robbi was waiting at the curb for us when we arrived. They were perfect. I knew that Alfie was home and placed him in his mother’s arms. We stayed as long as I could hold myself together and then left. I cried for the next 5 days. No one in my home could say his name or ask how he was doing. I knew that Alfie was where he was meant to be, but that did not make it feel any better. I watched the webcam every day and read the blog so often that my husband started to worry. It took 3 months before I felt I could see him and not be overwhelmed with sadness. So I called. Robbi was great and spent about 45 minutes catching me up on how he was doing. Richard agreed to meet me at a local park and bring Alfie. I was so glad to see him and he looked so beautiful and content.  His feet never touched the ground; I could not put him down.

It was during this meeting that I asked Richard what it took to run a website. We discussed that I wanted to start my own pug rescue in Houston and he agreed to help. This was the true beginning of Pug Hearts. Alfie was the link that brought so many of us together around this purpose. He was sent to us for a specific purpose and he accomplished this with grace and love. I cannot begin to tell people what he means to me even now. He will be with me every time that I think of Pug Hearts, go on a rescue run or finalize an adoption. He is in my thoughts always and will have a special place in my heart for eternity.

The PugHearts rescue team (those that go out to get the pugs) are now “Alfie’s angels” and the alerts that come to the board members regarding pugs in danger/pug to surrender now come as “Alfie alerts”. This is a small way to keep him with us and remind all involved that he is with us still.

Alfie was with us for less than one year, but he will never leave our hearts. I love you baby. You are the true founder of Pug Hearts and I will never forget you.

Cindy www.PugHearts.com

Posted by Richard at 10:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It’s been a week today since we lost our dear Alfie.   It’s been a week of uncontrollable tears, good memories coupled with laughter, bad memories coupled with grief but above all a week of trying to deal with a space on the sofa or under my desk that no longer is filled by Alfie.

We truly appreciate all the heart felt comments both here on the site and from friends and family in the form of calls, letters and cards.  It really has gone a long way in assisting us with the healing process. 

We knew that today would be a hard day to deal with, and both myself and Robbi have both dealt with it in different ways.  I headed out into Houston to tout for business, and Robbi spent her usual day in the office, but ultimately we both failed miserably at keeping our minds off the subject of Alfie.  It seems we both had the same sad realization today – it would have been 6 months to the day that we actually took Alfie into Denny and Charlie towers as a rescue Pug.

This evening we tried hard to hold back the tears, but it was not to be – we sat on the sofa when Robbi returned from work only to reminisce about our sweet boy who no longer is around to demand our attention with his bark.   We have a photo of him on the fireplace, overlooking the living room, where we can see him and talk to him.  The photo was taken the day after he arrived which was on the 6th October 2006 – precisely six months from today.

Tonight is going to be a night of emotions and memories that will hopefully help us heal. 

God bless you Alfie, we know you are with us.

Richard

Posted by Richard at 08:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Today is a very sad day as we lost a very dear friend last night. Our beloved angel, Alfie has left us to be at the Bridge.

As some of you were aware, Alfie has been unwell for some time. We have been doing our very best to see him through this tough time and we honestly thought we were winning the battle. Unfortunately Alfie’s little body just gave out last night. His heart was tired and just couldn’t go on. Alfie went peacefully in his sleep, sitting by us on his sofa. There was no pain, no suffering and no warning.

We are overwhelmed with grief. Although we only had Alfie for a short time, it feels as though he has been a part of our family for years. We loved him so much and cannot imagine our lives without him. There is an emptiness we feel today – a void that used to be filled with a routine. There are so many little reminders around the house that everywhere we turn we are reminded of him. The sofa where he used to lay, the kitchen counter where we prepared his food, the spot at the bottom of the stairs where he would wait for us if we had gone up for something without him. He is everywhere.

We knew from the first moment we saw Alfie’s picture on the rescue website that we wanted him. When he came into our lives we didn’t know what exactly to expect. It took just a couple of days for him to start relaxing and blending into our family. Soon he was curling up with Denny & Charlie for naps. He would come into the kitchen and bark his little “Arf, Arf!” when he was hungry and we were taking too long to get his dinner ready. His voice was something he used right up until his final days. Alfie lost the use of his legs a week ago, but not his voice. He would call us to him whenever he needed anything. This was no coincidence. If he was warm he would bark, if he was cold he would do the same – something which we would confirm by taking his temperature which we needed to do routinely. If we left the room for too long, he would call us back with his bark and once he saw us he would settle back down for a nap, knowing we were close by. If we made too much noise in the kitchen he would bark to say “keep it down.” He never lost his spirit or his sense of humor.

He tolerated so much in these last days. We had been syringe feeding him for the last couple of months. He knew we were helping him and didn’t mind it. He tolerated the endless pills and toward the end he tolerated us giving him the injections and IVs. He trusted us and allowed us to do what we could to try and help him. We made sure that we did everything we could to make him comfortable. We gave him round the clock care at home so that he did not have to go into hospital. There was always one of us at his side. Unfortunately we were not able to save him, but at least we know he didn’t suffer.

We know from personal experience that the grief does ease. The pain lessens a bit every day and you are left with the sweet memories. However, we cannot think that far ahead today. Today all we can think of is how much it hurts and how our lives will never be the same because of him.

Alfie left quite a legacy. More than just a pet, he was the impetus for PugHearts rescue. He touched so many people’s lives and made them want to do something for unwanted pugs everywhere. Cindy, our dear friend and Alfie’s former foster Mom, was inspired to found PugHearts. Strangers who would meet Alfie in the store or at a park would find themselves drawn to him. We would tell his story of being found wandering the streets alone and neglected and it would bring a tear to their eyes. Many people would say the same thing “How could anybody do that to a dog?” Alfie still bore the scars of his ordeal. His legs, his eyes and most damning – his heart. Not that this stopped Alfie. He was a fighter. And a champion for his brethren. Because of him, there are new homes for many previously discarded Pugs. That work will continue because of him. His memory will remain with all of us each and every day, during each and every rescue. It’s all because of Alfie.

We are so much richer for having known this very special boy. We tried to give him the kind of life he deserved, and we think he was happy. But we have gained so much more out of this than we have given. A priceless gift – pure, unconditional love. We have truly been blessed to have this sweet boy a part of our family, no matter how short of a time it was. He has made us better people: more patient, more tolerant, more compassionate.

Now we find ourselves having to find a way to say goodbye. We are saying goodbye to the physical Alfie, but not the spiritual. We feel him with us even now and know that he will always be with us. His spirit will live on forever in our hearts. We are so thankful for this sweet, precious angel and the brief time we had with him. We love you Alfie.

Posted by Richard at 06:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

I heard some bad news on Friday.  Treacle, one of my original Pugs who I owned in the United Kingdom, died while being cared for at a vetinary clinic.  Unfortunately I do not have any real details at this time apart from she was suffering from a collapsed lung and had been in the Vet’s care for some days.  Treacle was apparently progressing well but passed away in her sleep during the night. 

Treacle was the second Pug I ever owned and was a companion to me and Samson, who I am sure you all know by now.  Treacle will now be at the Rainbow bridge with Samson who passed earlier this year. Samson Tribute

Treacle was very special and had a trick where should would bark if you asked her to “Speak!”.

I am sure Treacle and Samson are sat at the bridge right now – two great friends back together waiting for the day we can all be together again.

My condolences to my ex-wife, Almandine, as this will be an exceptionally hard time for her and the rest of the Pugs I had the very special time with, George (Denny’s Brother), Masie (Denny’s mum) and Onion (Denny’s Sister).  

We miss you Treacle.  Join me in my dreams when you have the chance.

Richard

Posted by Richard at 06:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

The pug world lost another little fighter on Saturday.  Gizmo.  Gizmo was suffering from Cancer and lost his battle over the weekend.

Kara.  He will be by your side and in your dreams constantly. 

Bless you Gizmo.  The suffering is over and you have a pain free world at the Rainbow Bridge where once again you become one with your loving Kara. 

Richard, Robbi, Denny, Charlie and Alfie.

Posted by Richard at 12:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

When I started the new Denny and Charlie site I wanted it to be something special, somewhere were the fun and special times of our new adventures could be shared and enjoyed with all of our international friends. Unfortunatley something has been eating away at me now since I heard about the detoriation in the health of Samson, who you now all know passed away on the 13th May 2006.

My ex-wife has constantly refused to let me see Samson since she took him away over 3 years ago when she decided she wanted a divorce. The fact that Samson was OUR dog never really swayed her from this stance and the hurt and pain has had to sit on my shoulders all this time. The divorce courts in the UK deem animals to be "personal property" and as such will not get involved in allocating them to either party in the divorce - so the fact that she took them on that sad day meant that they were classed as "property in her possession". I did not have a chance on the day we settled in court, she walked away with everything she took - whether she had paid anything for those items or not. The pain just needed to end for me; the false allegations of "harrassment" were just too much and I had to get it over with. She walked away with all the dogs.

Since 2003 I do not think a day has gone by where I have not thought about those dogs. Granted, its a bit difficult not to when you have their photos on the wall and they are the wallpaper of my work PC, but I miss them so much that I still have moments where my resolve fails.

Our move to Texas means that I will never have the chance of seeing my pugs again, so I made a request to my ex-wife to see if I could have a visit on neutral ground. I was told this would not be good for Samson due to his health and I "backed off".

A few weeks later, when I heard Samsons health was failing and the inevitable was due to happen I made several requests to my ex-wife to pay him a visit and say my goodbyes - I did not want anything special, just to hold him for a while so he remebered my smell, and to talk to him so that he remembered my voice. I asked nicely, through the PugVillage forums private messaging. I got no reply.

Eight days after that message I learned, through the PugVillage forums, that Samson had died. She did not even have the courtesy to contact me and let me know, it was actually 2 days after he had gone that I found out when I logged on the forums. Devastation set in. It was one of the days when I was working from home, and the remorse and pain that set in on that day is still with me. Hiding my feelings is now a skill I have mastered, but this one is peeking through every now and a again.

What could I do? My previous emails and private messages were ignored, I could not attempt to email her again, the lack of a reponse would just increase the pain for me. So I bottled up the feelings and threw myself back into my work. My ex-wife hates me, that is taken as granted by all that know her and all that know me; but I have to say that the feeling is not mutual. My feelings for her are private and I am not writing this to openly flog and humiliate her.

Samson was very very special to me, and I want people to know that. My tribute to the little guy has been viewed over 500 times now - and the emails and PM's I have received are nothing but spectacular. Thank you all.

Closure is something that the majority of us need when big issues affect our lives; and I am not any different. So I offered an olive branch to my ex-wife. My final attempt to put aside our differences and forget the past and the bad things we have done to each other. The fact that this was ignored is what has pushed me to writing this entry in to what should be a HAPPY blog. I feel that the story needs to be told.

Its now 11:30pm at night and I have left the side of my loving and gorgeous wife, Robbi, to get this off my chest, as I cannot sleep. This evening I have been the grumpiest and most miserable bastard anyone would never wish to meet, all because of this situation that cannot be resolved. Will this help me overcome this grief and give me closure? I very much doubt it.

Finally, i will share that olive branch with you. It comes from the heart and it was well meaning and 100% honest, just not seen that way by the original recipient.

It's time...

As far as I am concerned it is now time to put aside our differences for good. The loss of Samson has made me realise how insignificant all our petty disagreements have been.

I hope you got a chance to look at the little video tribute I did for him, so far over 300 people have watched it - his name and memories go on.

I have over 200 photos of him, including ones of when he was a puppy...and some 2p coins from under the dishwasher - his favorites from playing shuvapenny... some still have his teeth marks in them. I want to make a framed photo of the guy with a 2p suspended with it.... as a memory to him. As a hand of friendship I would like to do one for you too, would you accept this as a final peace offering from me?

I am so sorry you had to make the decision to let him go, I cannot imagine the extra pain that must be causing you - expecially with the pain I am experiencing right now.

Please - lets put everything behind us, lets close this once and for all. I would like to bring Denny down to see you, you can see so much of Samson in him now it's uncanny. We would like to bring some flowers and the Pug statue from the old garden, the one Samson used to sit beside.

Again. Sorry.

Sorry to all of you for burdening you with my pain.

Richard

Posted by Richard at 11:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Not much to say other than this video is a true representation of my feelings for my departed friend.

The file is 4 Megabytes in size, so if your on a slow connection please be patient while it downloads and buffers.

If you have problems playing Windows Media, then you can also view the video on Google Video.

Richard

Posted by Richard at 08:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I learned some sad sad news this morning, unfortunatley not from the source I would have liked to hear it from.

Samson, my first Pug, died on Saturday after years of suffering from many an ailment. He died peacefully in the arms of my ex-wife at his home in Harwich.

Samson brought a lot to my life, and he changed me in so many ways. I just wish I could have said goodbye to him before he left this life for a new one at the Rainbow Bridge.

So long my friend, I will see you again. You are always welcome in my dreams, don't be a stranger.

Posted by Richard at 01:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)